Letting Go
I’d like to share a story I heard recently to teach this month’s focus. While I don’t know the originator of this story, I am adapting it for the purpose of teaching the focus this month.
There was a woman who was running late to catch her flight. She’d had a full day, and made it to the airport with little time to spare. Upon her arrival, she wanted to grab a bite to eat. As she made her way to the gate, there was one stand still open. All of the quick meals had been purchased for the day, and the only thing left was one bag of cookies.
Eager to at least find something, she purchased the bag of cookies and went to the gate to wait for boarding. The gate was full with people, but she found a spot with one seat open between herself and a gentleman. Sitting down, with the seat between them, she opened her laptop and continued to squeeze in as much work as she could before boarding the plane.
Hungry, she grabbed her bag of cookies, opened them, and set them on the open seat between her and the gentleman. As she began to eat the first cookie, she heard a sound.
Glancing to her side, she noticed the gentleman was also reaching in and grabbing a cookie. Stunned, but not knowing what to say, she returned to her work. She grabbed a second cookie, and he did as well. This time, they made eye contact, and to her surprise, he smiled at her. Again, not knowing how to respond, she turned to her work, but felt irritation building from within. As she took the next cookie, he again reached in for another one. This time, her brows furrowed, and she grunted slightly while again returning to her work. This cookie taking exchange continued until it came down to the very last cookie. She was curious what to do. But before she could reach a decision, the gentleman reached into the bag and pulled out the last cookie. With eyes locked on one another, he again smiled, split the cookie in half, and gave her one half and ate the other.
Before she could say anything aloud, everyone stood to begin the boarding process. She threw away the empty bag of cookies, and headed to her seat on the plane.
Fueling herself with continued irritation, judgement and frustration, she found her seat, placed her bag in the overhead bin and took a seat. Rumbling with judgmental thoughts like “I can’t believe he ate my cookies” to “I should have said something” to “He shouldn’t have done that,” she remembered she had forgotten to grab something she needed from her bag overhead. As she stood and reached in her bag, she felt something a little crinkly. Sliding her hand out, she realized she was holding the bag of cookies she had purchased at the stand.
What do you think happens next?
I like to think that she had a moment where she was human. Maybe transferred that judgment she had been thinking and feeling about the gentleman and turned it to herself for a moment. “I shouldn’t have done that” to “I should have checked my bag before opening the cookies.”
And then I like to think that she took a moment to pause. To notice the judgment in her body and simply feel it. To offer some self-compassion that she didn’t know what she didn’t know. To maybe even laugh for a moment at the whole experience.
I also like to think that she turned this into a learning experience. To own the whole truth. Maybe she took that bag of cookies, found the gentleman seated somewhere on the plan and offered an apology for eating his cookies, an awareness that she thought they had been hers, and gratitude for his willingness to share his cookies with her, and maybe even gave him her bag of cookies.
The power in this story is understanding perception. We take what we think we know to be true and create stories around it. When those stories are fueled with “shoulds” and judgment, we end up increasing judgment on ourselves.
Interesting in this story, the gentleman clearly chose to think a different path. We don’t know what he was thinking or feeling, but his kind actions, his smile, and his effort to share the last cookie, show his mindset was generated from some place of love, generosity or compassion.
This month, to practice letting go of that mindset that drops into judgment try this strategy
- NOTICE what you are feeling. When you are feeling judgment, or hearing “shoulds” in your mind, slow down and unwind them a bit. Try writing them all down on paper to see what you notice. How much of what you write down is an actual fact? How much of it is a story that you are creating based off of assumptions? Are these thoughts you want to keep? Why or why not?
Simply noticing what we are thinking can open us to a more mindful mindset centered around feelings that open us – compassion, gratitude or acceptance.
“Let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are. Be imperfect and have compassion for yourself. Connection is the result of authenticity.”
-Brene Brown
